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HOW NOT TO FARM


Dear Mr. Ag Secretary:

My friend Mort Wilson received a check for $1,000 from the government for not raising hogs. So I want to get into the "not raising hogs" business next year. What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the best type of farm to not raise hogs on, and what is the best breed of hogs not to raise?

If I get $1,000 for not raising 50 hogs, will I get $2000 for not raising 100 hogs? I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down to about 4,000 "not raised" hogs, which will give me $80,000 income the first year. Then I could afford an airplane.

Now, another thing: These hogs I will not raise will not eat 100,000 bushels of corn. I understand that you also pay farmers for not raising corn and wheat. Will I qualify for payments for not raising wheat and corn not to feed the 4,000 hogs I am not going to raise?

I am also considering not milking cows, so please send me information on that, too.

In view of these circumstances, I understand that the government will consider me totally unemployed, so I plan to file for unemployment and food stamps.

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